The Return of the Man on the Street

My past life has been dotted by blogging and a series of engagements that brought me places. Starting 2009 until life caught on around 2013, when I became too busy dealing with adult things, I kept a variety of journals. One such notable personal diary became Republica Negrense, featuring my little adventures and perhaps my attempt at monetization. Nowadays, blogging is passe or perhaps, brought back to its best form - a curation of raw, unfiltered thoughts. 

A series of events pushed me to try going back to writing and I found my old blog still littered by a hundred drafts that never made it out alive. Some poems, some short thoughts that a 20+ version of me created in his tumultuous (and still is currently, if I were to be honest). 

What made today special? 

Supposedly none, it was to be one of those work from home days after onsite energy vampires or networking events. I get it, my type of job requires me to meet dozens of people despite being an introvert, but this is a job I have come to love since I first decided that a writing career will not propel me up the corporate ladder. 

Again, what made today special or infamous?

A series of un-orchestrated events of my own fault. I mixed together meetings that should have been chats and essential calls too close for comfort. But in the midst of a very busy day are a few moments of greater clarity that made me reflect on a number of things, blessings I kept ignoring. 

Just the previous day, I learned that the account I used to handle with my previous agency moved to my current agency, to be led by very efficient and smart-working ladies from our neighboring unit. I am genuinely glad for I have seen their weekend toil just to make things at their best form. But I can't help but think about the people I used to work with. Good people that will find themselves professionally homeless and in need of a new home, at least for some. 

I bookmarked one that I have interviewed before and now I am prospecting for a possible new role. This person had similar experience as I had, an industry outsider that dared venture into the world of advertising. Someone I just know must be given a chance to work in a bigger world, perhaps in an even bigger world I found myself in. 

This lead me to take a look back at the past, probably something I should not have even done. People call me pushy, some call me zealous, others a kindhearted ignoramus and his broken sense of mercy. But that's just a way I am, when I am needed, I don't hesitate to help. But life happens. It also gave me a bitter reminder that even your heroes can be hurt and, as human as they can be, some wounds heal slower even as things appear perfectly fine on the surface. 

A lesson I did not learn, again, as those closest to me would say.

Stripping away layers of routine also revealed a small token of warmth. A client employee I have been patiently working with, despite the harsh daily circumstances I refuse to spill for now, took time to message me personally about their last working day. They took time to thank me for patience, kindness, and understanding that they hope to find with the people they will be working next. 

Then a sudden jolt, a reminder. No matter what people say I should and should not do, this is a version of me that goes out of his way to help people I even barely meet. Looking at the hidden kindness I feel should be innate in every living soul. Those kind words that I have not heard for quite a while. 

Good job old Mark, good job for somehow finding your way up layers of grief, sadness, pettiness, and frustrations. Life happens but life is not defined by your current and even future circumstances, but who you choose to be. Who I chose and will choose to be. 

Today's cycle of guilt, unsolicited kindness, and thankfulness made me appreciate blessings I have refused to count all these years. Instead of building safety nets, high walls, and dozens of "fire exits" for the "just in cases," I should take a look at what I currently have. Top of mind is the agency I just used to imagine working in, good colleagues that respect my space and value my time, and finally that breather I deserve to have.

Focus on the here and now, count your blessings, go on your prayerful way, go in peace. Reminders overplayed in my head, reminders I sometimes refuse to acknowledge. Perhaps, all it takes is a little bit of humbling, heroes removed from my mental pedestals, and a humble introspection. 

In what should have been an ordinary day, life taught me a wonderful lesson. A lesson already overdue  but thankfully came. 

Soy cansado, I end shall end here. 'Til my next brain fart!